Ok, this challenge was tailor made for me. This is one of my biggest weaknesses and probably the thing about me that drives R away the most. This was about jealousy. And not necessarily the kind of jealousy that makes you think your partner is out with another person, although that is partially included, but more about the kind of jealousy that makes you envious of your partner and can cause major rifts. R gets to do a lot of really cool things. He works hard, saves his money and has good friends who invite him out. I’d say quarterly he is able to take trips with his friends. He even got to go to the Super Bowl last year. I usually get really pissy about this. I get upset because he wants to go without his family. He gets to go to sporting events all the time because he has a friend who has season tickets to pretty much everything. I whine about how he doesn’t take us or how he’s always going to these things and not spending time at home with us. Yesterday was my chance to stop this. The book talks about being your partner’s biggest cheerleader. You should be happy for them when they get to do something awesome. Not envious. Greed is one of the seven deadly sins and it can be especially deadly for a relationship. I’ve had two chances to show my support for him so far and honestly, it felt really good. I liked being able to be happy for him, I liked showing him that I support him and the fact that he works hard taking care of our kids every day and that I’m happy he has worked hard enough to be able to do these things for himself.
Instance number one: I woke up from a nightmare in a cold sweat at 4:00 am with a horrible feeling that something was wrong and that he was hurt. I called him because he was not home. Mind you, anytime before I would have been extremely pissed about this but not this time. He answered and when I deduced that he was ok, he told me that he was at the casino and had won a bunch of money. So instead of my normal snarky, snotty answer, I was able to celebrate with him! I asked him what he was playing when he won, and congratulated him on his big night! I could tell he was really happy with my reaction and pleasantly surprised.
Instance number two: I found out today that he is going to the football game tomorrow. In the past I would have rolled my eyes or made a comment out how it must be nice, but instead I told him that was cool and asked if he needed me to wash anything in particular that he wanted to wear. He came out defensive on this one at first but once he saw that my reaction was not the norm, he actually started talking to me about it.
I’m realizing that I have to stop treating him like one of my kids or someone that I don’t like, or think doesn’t deserve what he is able to do for himself, and I have to start treating him like a friend! If one of my friends told me they got to do something awesome, even if they had been able to do it way more than I could ever wish for, would I make a smart ass comment or roll my eyes at them? No I wouldn’t, I would be genuinely happy for them and want to hear all about it. This is what I need to start doing with him. It makes me much happier to be happy with him, even if I don’t get to go this time and in the long run I imagine it will make him more likely to want to invite me along, because I would not want to invite an eye roller to do something with me!
Which actually leads into day 9….day 9 is about genuine greetings. Are you greeting your partner like you would a friend when you see them? Or are you acting like you don’t care. And which greeting would you be more likely to want to come home to? Someone who acts honestly happy to see you or someone who ignores you when you walk in the door, or even worse starts bitching the second you turn the knob.
Prime example would be today’s milestone and instance number three…He went golfing today, and sticking with the challenge I showed no jealousy or irritation about him going to hang out with friends. I helped him get his golf bag ready and find his shirt and instead of harping on when he was going to be back or if he was coming home or going somewhere else, I simply asked if he wanted to come to dinner tonight at my aunt’s house. He told me that he wasn’t sure and I told him that if he would like to come he would be more than welcome and left it at that. Later this evening while we were hanging around before dinner I walked out of the scrap book room and bumped into who??? Yup! Him 🙂
He had showed up for dinner with my family. So happy!
So now I am off to make sure his jersey is clean for the game and start practicing how I’m going to greet him when he gets home…..I’m thinking wearing a big smile and nothing else may be good 😉
16pathwaystoawesome 
I see your point about cheering him on, I guess I just don’t get why he never takes any of you with him. Even just once in awhile. He doesn’t seem to be grateful for your presence in his life.
He used to take me and the kids alot of places. I am a home body though and more and more often I would decline until he just kind of stopped asking. Then I would get cranky and jealous because he still wanted to go and not stay home and spend time with me. I need to start understanding that spending time together shouldn’t always have to be on my territory. We can do what he wants to do and spend time together sometimes too 🙂